#ted

A man touched me:  his hand... my thigh. I touched him too:  my fist... his jaw. ↗

— Joseph Gordon-Levitt

#girl-power #unexpected #funny

Doode," George said. He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more u, less oo. Duuude." "Dude." "Dude." "Okay, dude." George nodded. "How's it hanging?" Jack asked. "How am I supposed to answer that?" George looked at him. "I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway?" George shook his head. "Your stuff, you nimwit." His stuff...Oh. Ha! "In that case, it's hanging long!" Jack dissolved in giggles. "Long, get it? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #george #hanging #ilona-andrews

A blanket can be wrapped around one’s head and used as a helmet. It’s particularly appropriate if you wear your blanket helmet during a pillow fight with me, because unbeknownst to you, I’ll have a brick stuffed at the bottom of my pillowcase.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#politics-of-the-united-states #funny

You know, unrequited love is very difficut? It's not just having this one-sided love of someone who's far away. Being close, talking daily, liking a guy who's constantly near me is harder than it would be under different circumstances. ↗

— Park So Hee

#love

Besides, unrequited love is one of those things that all teen-agers have to go through, right? ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#unrequited-love #love

Which is when I decided I would never love anyone again because you just felt like an idiot when you put love out there and it didn't come back your way. ↗

— Karen Tayleur

#idiot #love #unrequited-love #love

A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call it a tarp, but I’d call it a trap. But I’ve already tried everything I can think of to silence the noisy neighbor kids, from mousetraps on lollipop sticks, to superglue disguised as lip gloss—and yet the shrieking continues.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

The results of each Brick and Blanket test are so unique to each person that I’d be willing to bet (with your money, of course) that if you lined up two monozygotic twins, two clones of John Cleese, and Newton and Leibniz, no pair of answers would be identical. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

She was with me. She did all of those things and so many more, things I would never tell anyone, and she never even loved me. Now that’s love. ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#jonathan-safran-foer #love