#the

i haf the sownd of more words butt i coud not remember the shaps of the letters. ↗

— Karen Russell

#karen-russell #home

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? ↗

— Woody Allen

#humor #humor

Did someone just call me the wine dude?” he asked in a lazy drawl. “It’s Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#dionysus #gods #humor #names #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

The big difference between my mom and me-- besides the fact that she is dead normal and I'm a magic-handling freak-- is that she's the real thing. She may have a slight problem seeing other people's points of view, but she's honest about it. She's a brass-bound bitch because she believes she knows best. I'm a brass-bound bitch because I don't want anyone getting close enough to find out what a whiny little knot of naked nerve endings I really am. ↗

— Robin McKinley

#magic #mothers #humor

Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #pathetic #sunlight #funny

I have nightmares about hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

Just stay still, if you stay still it can't find you. That's sharks, you idiot. Sharks and dinosaurs. This isn't Jurassic Park. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #internal-thoughts #monsters-in-the-dark #sharks #humor

Last year, when he had been staying with the Pevensies, he had managed to hear them all talking of Narnia and he loved teasing them about it. He thought of course that they were making it all up; and as he was far too stupid to make anything up himself, he did not approve of that. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#voyage-of-the-dawn-treader #love

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is. ↗

— Yogi Berra

#theory #think #humor

You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. ↗

— John Green

#the-fault-in-our-stars #the-fault-in-our-stars