#ty

A stack of graham crackers represents me as a person: am I a cookie or a cracker? Neither. Both. I’m a crackie. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#identity #funny

I want to do something spontaneous, like combust. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #spontaneity #funny

My life is like a reality show. Whenever I cuss I bleep myself out with my air horn, and when my friends get naked I take off my glasses. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #reality-shows #funny

If my name were C. Ross, I’d definitely be religious. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #religion #funny

Must a name mean something?" Alice asked doubtfully. Of course it must," Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh; "my name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#funny #humor #humpty-dumpty #in-the-looking-glass #meaning

The only activity a cynic will find contagious is yawning, that is, with other people, at other people. ↗

— Criss Jami

#bore #boredom #boring #contagious #cynic

The nice thing about wading in earthly pleasures is that if you make it to heaven, the landfills are full of pruned feathers and God’s silky beard trimmings. And if you don’t make it to heaven, at least you’ll have fond memories of the air-conditioned garbage truck. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #garbage #humor #funny

The idlest minds are those that inhabit the busiest bodies. The busiest minds are those that inhabit mental hospitals. Love is what occurs in that order. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #insanity #love #funny

And so I was scared. I was scared of my own sexual hunger, which felt so secretive and uncharted, and I was scared of the sexual hunger of boys, which felt so vivid and overt, and I was terribly uncertain of the relationships between sex and power and value, which seemed so merged and hard to tease apart. In the midst of all that, I didn't exactly loathe my body, or feel ashamed of it, but I was deeply ashamed of my fear, which felt disabling and immature and woefully, painfully uncool, a terrible secret, evidence of some profound failing and ignorance on my part. Other girls, or so I imagined, knew what to do, how to use their power, how to derive pleasure from it, and in contrast, I felt not only freakish but isolated, as though I was standing outside a vital, defining loop. ↗

— Caroline Knapp

#power #puberty #sexuality #imagination

I once heard a sober alcoholic say that drinking never made him happy, but it made him feel like he was going to be happy in about fifteen minutes. That was exactly it, and I couldn’t understand why the happiness never came, couldn’t see the flaw in my thinking, couldn’t see that alcohol kept me trapped in a world of illusion, procrastination, paralysis. I lived always in the future, never in the present. Next time, next time! Next time I drank it would be different, next time it would make me feel good again. And all my efforts were doomed, because already drinking hadn’t made me feel good in years. ↗

— Heather King

#alcohol