#u

If you do bad stuff and don't repent, you go to hell," Orc said, like he was begging for a refutation. "Yeah, well, you know what? If Howard's in hell, I guess we can all have a big get-together soon enough. a ↗

— Michael Grant

#funny #get-togethers #hell #orc #repenting

You guys are weird," Tori said. Simon sat on the crate beside me. "That's right. We are totally weird and completely uncool. Your popularity is plummeting just by being near us. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#simon #tori #weird #funny

Are you Darah, Renee or Taylor? You look like a Taylor to me," he said, looking me up and down. I wasn't at my best, considering I was dressed for moving heavy objects in a blue UMaine t-shirt and black soccer shorts, and I had my light brown hair in a haphazard bun against the back of my neck. His eyes raked up and down twice, and for some reason the way he assessed me made me blush and want to kick him in the balls at the same time. "There must be a mistake," I said. He adjusted his bag on his shoulder. "That's a creative name. What do you shorten it to? Missy? ↗

— Chelsea M. Cameron

#funny #hunter-zaccadelli #missy #my-favorite-mistake #taylor-and-hunter

You can’t tel me I’m not breaking up with you when I’m breaking up with you! ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#funny

hornier than a bunny on ecstasy ↗

— Kyle Adams

#dirty #funny #kyle #play #funny

What do you see in him anyway?” “He doesn’t leave the toilet seat up.” I smiled bitterly ↗

— Jayde Scott

#funny #funny

He did not go much further, but sat down on the cold floor and gave himself up to complete miserableness, for a long while. He thought of himself frying bacon and eggs in his own kitchen at home - for he could feel inside that it was high time for some meal or other; but that only made him miserabler. ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#funny #miserabler #tolkien #funny

Lindsay calls them the Pugs: pretty from far away, ugly up close. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#funny

I'd sold my soul to get out of detention. ↗

— Jennifer Lynn Barnes

#toby #unbelievable #funny

I suddenly realize that I'm naked, which shouldn't bother me since it's the phone, but for some reason it does. "How's it hanging?" Kyra asks and now I think I'm blushing. It's just an expression, but jeez! ↗

— Barry Lyga

#humour #nudity #self-consciousness #funny