#u

Just because it makes no sense doesn't mean it's not good advice. ↗

— Mick Farren

#strange #humor

I didn't invent the middle finger, but I perfected the use of it. ↗

— Ted Nugent

#humor

If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

Getting cut off from the knights' magic rock also required a period of exile from their giant glass mushroom. (Those of you in the Hushlands, I dare you to work that last sentence into a conversation. "By the way, Sally, did you know that getting cut from the knight's magic rock also requires a period of exile from their giant glass mushroom?") ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

I was also going to give a graduation speech in Arizona this weekend. But with my accent, I was afraid they would try to deport me. ↗

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

#politics #humor

Why do you have to be so annoying sometimes?" "Cant help it. It's the company I keep. ↗

— Kamila Shamsie

#company #humor #humor

Little by little, studying the infinite possibilities of a loss of memory, he realized that the day might come when things would be recognized by their inscriptions but that no one would remember their use.... At the beginning of the road into the swamp they put up a sign that said "Macondo" and another larger one on the main street that said "God exists". ↗

— Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

#humor

I don't believe you have to be better than everybody else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be. ↗

— Ken Venturi

#believe #better #could #else #ever

The climate of Barrow is Arctic. Temperatures range from cold as shit to fucking freezing. ↗

— Steve Niles

#cold #humor #humor

Gotta have more cowbell baby! ↗

— Christopher Walken

#humor