#um

Without making a conscious decision to do so, Drew grabbed a fistful of her ridiculous blond wig and tugged. Some of her hair came with it and he felt a moment of satisfaction when she howled. Bianca’s real hair was a matted mess against her head. He looked at the wig in his hand and moved his gaze to the water fountain. Bianca’s eyes widened. “Don’t do it. Don’t you dare.” “Don’t do what? Don’t do this?” He dangled the wig above the fountain. She raised her hands and crept toward him. “Just give it back, Drew, and we’ll be even. Okay?” “Aaawww, is Bianca getting worried? Poor baby.” “Come on.” “Say you’re sorry.” He shook it up and down. “What? No way.” With a shrug, he tossed the wig into the water fountain. ↗

— Lindy Zart

#humor #romance #dating

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are ↗

— Josh Stern

#date #figs #humor #moronic #rape

If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith ↗

— Josh Stern

#faith #humor #pretty #renounce #second-date

I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple. ↗

— David Sedaris

#religion #dating

So, the date was on. I’d tell Zayvion I had a chaperone. Maybe he could help me figure it out. ↗

— Devon Monk

#dating

In therapy, to meet the needs of traumatized survivors of war and torture, the patient is requested to repeatedly talk about the worst traumatic event in detail while re-experiencing all emotions associated with the event. Traumatic memory, they say, is cleared by narration of whole life; from early childhood up to the present date ... this book is my therapy. I am awash with living memories. ↗

— Alfred Nestor

#alfred-nestor #author-alfred-nestor #childhood-therapy #hitler #hitler-s-germany

Ich war erfolgreich, sah ganz vernünftig aus und ich hielt mich an sich für einen liebenswerten Menschen. Ich hatte eine Kontaktanzeige nicht nötig. Im Gegenteil, mir lagen die Männer sozusagen zu Füßen. Zwar lauter Idioten, aber immerhin. Mir lagen die Männer zu meinen verdammten Füßen! ↗

— Drei Dates ins Chaos Ebook

#humor #liebe #männer #dating

As a wise Pug once said, all you need is love, kibble and a de-worming tablet every three to six months. ↗

— Gemma Correll

#pugs #dating

All in all, the lunch date was fine. Like an opened can of soda in its second hour. If you were thirsty, you might take a sip or two, but I carried more hopes walking in to the restaurant than I did walking out. ↗

— Heather Dugan

#humor #relationships #dating

Dinner was a disaster. Brent introduced himself while staring at my bulge, and I was glad to be shown to our table so that we were seated with a table between us, forcing him to look me in the eye. Apparently, my eyes have moved down to my pecs, though, as that's where he decided to fix his attention throughout dinner. ↗

— Brett Kiellerop

#humor #shallowness #dating