#um

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat. ↗

— Stephen Wright

#humor #funny

A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #sex-toy #funny

Because he has the best equipment in the City and he knows how to use it! ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #kate #funny

Wherever the art of medicine is loved, there is also a love of humanity. ↗

— Hippocrates

#art #humanity #love #loved #medicine

Actors in any capacity, artists of any stripe, are inspired by their curiosity, by their desire to explore all quarters of life, in light and in dark, and reflect what they find in their work. Artists instinctively want to reflect humanity, their own and each other's, in all its intermittent virtue and vitality, frailty and fallibility. ↗

— Tom Hiddleston

#art #humanity #truth #art

Ceres wanted a united front in the plant war." "The plant war," Percy said. "You're going to arm all the little grapes with tiny assault rifles? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#grapes #humor #riffles #war #funny

Wait a second," Clary said. "I never understand why people say that," Luke said, to no one in particular. "I wasn't going anywhere. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-bones #clary-fray #funny #luke-garroway #the-mortal-instruments

You're so far off base this time you can't even see the base! ↗

— Eileen Wilks

#insult #humor

Normal" is just a setting on your dryer. ↗

— Patsy Clairmont

#humor #funny

So,” sneered Fudge, recovering himself, “you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores, and myself single-handed, do you, Dumbledore?” “Merlin’s beard, no,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “Not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.” “He will not be single-handed!” said Professor McGonagall loudly, plunging her hand inside her robes. “Oh yes he will, Minerva!” said Dumbledore sharply. “Hogwarts needs you! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#fudge #funny #mcgonagall #third-person #funny