#um

Listen, do you really expect me to believe that God lives beneath the Vatican?- Ezio Auditore ↗

— Oliver Bowden

#ezio-auditore #humor #humor

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay ↗

— Marcia Carrington

#food #foodie #health #humor #food

I'm on my feet, pacing around the room, punching a fist into my palm, which I stop doing when I realise how drama queen it feels. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

Generally speaking, I try not to generalize. ↗

— Addison C. Arthur

#humorous #humorous-quotations #humorous-quotes #humor

Later it might see moronic, but at that time it all made perfect sense. ↗

— Pete Hautman

#humor

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth. ↗

— Victor Borge

#anything #aspirations #because #between #else

Dracula is a morning person compared to me. ↗

— Kim Dallmeier

#humor #morning #morning-person #humor

You’re apologizing? Seriously, what happened to you? Have you been taken over by a pod person? ↗

— Dianne Duvall

#paranormal #romance #humor

I am an independent woman and I am not to be bossed around by some arrogant blonde! ↗

— Tori Otteson

#just-toriness #stupidity #humor

He looked the boy up and down as if he had never seen a child before and wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do with one: eat it, ignore it or kick it down the stairs. ↗

— John Boyne

#humor #humor