#um

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor

I don't want to run for anything. I want to shove this miserable cheap-ass check so far up Wells's ass he can read the routing number out the back of his eyes. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#humor

In Russia, as I sat there day after day wearing headphones, listening to the interpreter struggle to make our words relevant, I wondered if we could establish meaningful rapport with a nation that had never seen raisins dance in dark glasses on TV...never had a garage sale. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#humor

I'm going to find whoever is responsible for me sleeping out side with outside without pillows and kick them in the shins!-Enna ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor #humor

People have many cruel expectations from writers. People expect novelists to live on a hill with three kids and a spouse, people expect children's story writers to never have sex, and people expect all great poets to be dead. And these are all very difficult expectations to fulfill, I think. ↗

— C. JoyBell C.

#humour #writers #writers-on-writing #humor

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#liquor #humor

I'm in crisis. I'm about to bump with a five-foot chino-chicano. ↗

— Megan McCafferty

#humor

Over there!" "Where?" Enna asked in mock panic "Do you see something? ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor #humor

They seem nice, though, your sisters, really,' Porcelain remarked. 'Ha!' I said. 'Shows what little you know! I hate them!' 'Hate them? I should have thought you'd love them.' 'Of course I love them,' I said.... 'That's why I'm so good at hating them. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#humor #mystery #family

Nothing could go wrong because nothing had...I meant "nothing would." No - Then I quit trying to phrase it, realizing that if time travel ever became widespread, English grammar was going to have to add a whole new set of tenses to describe reflexive situations - conjugations that would make the French literary tenses and the Latin historical tenses look simple. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#humor #science-fiction #time-travel #humor