Patton Oswalt

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#gender #humor #masculinity #romance #romance-novels

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#zombies

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#experience #experience

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#liquor #humor

People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#inspirational #transcendence #inspirational

Its gaze unlocked a room in my nightmares which should have remained closed. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#humor

hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse') ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#satire #humor

Eight people show up. The emcee is warm, friendly, and about as funny as Shoah. I take the stage to the sound of, my hand to God, one person clapping once and only once, and then I start into my act. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#hand-to-god #patton-oswalt #shoah #stand-up #funny

I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#coming #early #ghost #i #might

I hate all sidekicks. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#i