#um

Okay, this might sound vague, but do you know this one girl with hair like this? ↗

— Bryan Lee O'Malley

#humor

People often think I'm a faker, but I'm usually honest, in a certain way--in such a way that often nobody believes me! ↗

— Richard P. Feynman

#humor

You could wear the same outfit every single day and no guy - who isn't gay - will notice. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#humor

I am a connoisseur of fine irony. 'Tis a bit like fine wine, but it has a better bite. ↗

— Lynn Kurland

#humor

First rule of Angel Club, you do not talk about Angel Club. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#humor #humor

As for hearing, the sloth is not so much deaf as uninterested in sound. ↗

— Yann Martel

#humor #senses #humor

I had to quit my taxi cab driving job because I had no way to get to work. The problem was I kept calling myself to come pick me up. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #job #taxi #work #funny

I was wasting my life, always thinking about myself. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #lyrics #music #humor

Torture?” she asked with a laugh. “My first piece of information I’ll divulge to you? I wouldn’t recommend trying to torture me. I dislike it and grow sulky under pincers. It’s a fault. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#humour #humor

Honey, that man would do anything to keep you. Lie, steal, cheat, kill, clean up after himself, and do laundry. ↗

— Alisa Sheckley

#humor #paranormal #humor