#un

How long have you been standing there?" "Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger." "He deserved it. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#daemon #funny #katy #funny

Self-knowledge is better than self-control any day," Raquel said firmly. "And I know myself well enough to know how I act around cookies. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#self-knowledge #temptation #funny

I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back. ↗

— Zsa Zsa Gabor

#humor #men #relationships #funny

The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#nipple #simile #truth #funny

Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bicycle #breakfast #exercise #funny #humor

If two heads are better than one, then what about double chins? On that note, I will help myself to seconds. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#obesity #funny

It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#funny

Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#sookie-eric #funny

I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they? ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#cool #desire #erotic #erotica #funny

I'm glad you think this is funny." "You're not happy to see me, then?" Jace asked. "I have to say, I'm surprised. I've always been told my presence brightened up any room. One might think that went doubly for dank underground cells. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#quip #simon-lewis #funny