#un

What's another word for Thesaurus? ↗

— Steven Wright

#another #thesaurus #word

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#day #dread #going #i #new

I bet," said Mulch, "that you would set the world on fire just to watch it burn." Opal tapped the suggestion into a small electronic notepad on her pocket computer. Thanks for that. Now, tell me everything. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#fun #humor #humor

I tried to tell you. You said you didn't care, remember?" A muscle ticked below his eye. "You should have told me anyway." "While you had barbells within your reach? Please. I'm Disease, not Stupid. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor #lords-of-the-underworld #humor

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. ↗

— Steven Wright

#i #unauthorized #writing

No one believes you’re serious until bodies start to fall. -Vlad ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #humor #night-huntress #vlad #humor

The meeting was like a war council with donuts. Then again, back at Camp Half-Blood they used to have their most serious discussions around the Ping-Pong table in the rec room with crackers and Cheez Whiz, so Percy felt right at home. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #percy-jackson #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #the-mark-of-athena #war-council

No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time. ↗

— Stephen Fry

#complaints #humor #understanding #humor

Insurgents throughout Iraq continue to threaten our efforts and pose a danger to stability in the region. They fight not for their country, but rather against ours. ↗

— Paul Gillmor

#continue #country #danger #efforts #fight

He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?" "Like what?" "Like hitting on you." "Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way." Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee. "What? You think he does?" "Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood." "Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?" "Not enough coffee. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires