#us

I've admired a lot of people in my life time and some of them were actually alive. ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#humor

Tom leaned in and spoke in a low, confidential voice, "Sir. You have a little something..." He lifted his forefinger surreptitiously to his own upper lip. Harrison brought his hand to his mustache to brush something off it, his eyes questioning. "What is it?" "Carpet remnant?" Tom suggested. ↗

— Jez Morrow

#m-m-romance #humor

My boyfriend dumped me. My best friend won't talk to me. My future is in a garbage can. Everything has turned to crap. Can you please just let me be a sullen teenager. just this once ↗

— J.J. Johnson

#humor

I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!! ↗

— Neil Leckman

#humor

I pulled in a soft breath. My lungs were starving, crying out for air. I lay still, and a cough tickled at the back of my throat. It always happens when you're hiding, a cough, a sneeze, something. It's stupid. The body decides to screw around with you, even though it knows being quiet is the only way it's going to go on living. ↗

— Lilith Saintcrow

#humor

You ever had a hickey? I want to give you a hickey." "Karl, we're not fourteen!" "Don't bloody care. I was in love with you when I was fourteen -- your neck owes me a hickey." (Karl & Elena) ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#elena #humor #humorous #karl #paranormal-romance

Jane: "Missy was not so subtly reminding me that she had done something nice for me and here i was being rude when all she was asking me to do was attend a nice party. This was the way southern women worked all peaches & cream laced with arsenic. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humorous #jane #vampire #humor

We took a right at the fork, heading farther north. The charred houses continued. To the right, a large sign nailed to an old telephone post shouted DANGER in huge red letters. Underneath in crisp black letters was written: IM-1: Infectious Magic Area Do Not Enter Authorized Personnel Only A second smaller sign under the first one, written on a piece of plastic with permanent marker, read: Keep out, stupid. “We aren’t going to keep out, are we?” Ascanio asked. “No.” “Awesome. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

Have you ever kissed anybody?" he asked and took a sip. I smirked. "There aren't a whole lot of opportunitiesin the digital world. I did practice on my hand once. It didn't do anything for me". Justin coughed on the water he was swallowing and I slapped my hand over my mouth. "Did I just say that aloud?" I mumbled. He was half coughing, half laughing. "Yes, you did", he managed to say. ↗

— Katie Macvinsky

#humor #maddie-and-justin #humor

If you masturbate, would that make you an incubator?” I eyed him sideways, struggling not to laugh at his nonplussed expression or the sharp bark of mock outrage that followed. ↗

— Allison Pang

#incubus #humor