#us

Bluestar's coming on patrol? Watch out for flying hedgehogs! ↗

— -Erin Hunter Cloudpaw A Dangerous Path Warriors

#cats #cloudpaw #erin-hunter #flying #funny

Intellectuals are useless, and as a pseudo-intellectual I can't help but envy the practicality of that. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #pseuso-intellectuals #uselessness #funny

Strangers are only offensive when they offer courteous greetings. It abolishes the impartial judgment needed for a just society. ↗

— Bauvard

#familiarity #funny #humor #justice #strangers

А вот на подходе уже, если хотите знать, дяденьки, специальные пишущие машинки, пока еще только для нас, прозаиков. На этих машинках установлены электронные цензурные ограничители. Представляете? Печатаешь ты двумя пальцами «жопа», а на бумаге выходит: «окорока», «пятая точка», «афедрон» и уж в самом крайнем случае «ж» с тремя точками. ↗

— Arkady Strugatsky

#funny #funny

Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than ‘stellar’ work ethics, had to play Where’s Waldo to find Steve’s dick beneath his gigantic waistline. ↗

— A.T. Hicks

#funny #outrageous-behavior #penis-size #funny

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.
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— Jarod Kintz

#applaud #applause #approve #clap #clapping

A brick could be used for pressing grapes into wine, and a magician could then cover up that wine with a blanket and turn wine into water.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick is a mythical object that empowers its handler and enables them to conquer the world and control the globe through secret occult knowledge. Just ask the Masons.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A red brick, along with other red bricks, could be used in place of a STOP sign. Nothing says STOP quite like a brick wall.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny