#us

When you by nature subscribe to the view that everyone except yourself is a berk or a wanker, it is hard to bond with anybody in any rational common cause. ↗

— Lynne Truss

#humor

I'm the first to admit that I don't write right. Now, relax and enjoy the show! The sideshow, that is. ↗

— Lori R. Lopez

#books #eccentric #humor #offbeat #quirky

Goooooooooooood luck with THAT! ↗

— Fritzyll

#ironic #humor

But how do we know it's really you? I mean, I could put a saucepan on my head and call myself the God of Boiled Dumplings; wouldn't mean I was telling the truth. ↗

— K.J. Parker

#humor

...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: "He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#insightful #humor

hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #percabeth #percy-jackson #rick-riordan

A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you up about three inches.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

By the Angel, this place is barely better than a penny gaff,” Gideon said. “Gabriel, don’t look at anything unless I tell you it’s all right. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humorous #humor

Can I have my ear back?" He asked irritably. She blinked. "Mother, can you tell this creature here to loosen her hold? ↗

— Anya Wylde

#humor

I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can get an exorcism. ↗

— Veronica Blade

#growing-up #humor #humorous #humor