#us

Jessamine blew out her cheeks in exasperation. "I think you ought to let me take poor Tessa into town to get some new clothes. Otherwise, the first time she takes a deep breath, that dress will fall right off her." Will looked interested. "I think she should try that out right now and see what happens. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

No one ever excused his way to success. ↗

— Dave Del Dotto

#humor-inspirational #inspirational #humor

What I know now is that gallant young men rarely get pussy. Put it on a sampler and hang it in your kitchen. ↗

— Stephen King

#humorous #sex #men

Could it be? Samantha Kingston? Home? On a Friday?” I roll my eyes. “I don’t know. Did you do a lot of acid in the sixties? Could be a flashback.” “I was two years old in 1960. I came too late for the party.” He leans down and pecks me on the head. I pull away out of habit. “And I’m not even going to ask how you know about acid flashbacks.” “What’s an acid flashback?” Izzy crows. “Nothing,” my dad and I say at the same time, and he smiles at me. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#humorous #parents-and-children #humor

Nancy Herman, my new gym partner and locker neighbor, puts her hand on my shoulder and whispers, "Don't worry April. I have foot fungus too. ↗

— Amy Holder

#humor

They can afford to smile because they all have teeth so dazzling if they dropped them in the snow they'd be lost forever. ↗

— Frank McCourt

#humor

Too many OB/GYN’s aren’t able to practice their love with women all across the country. ↗

— George W. Bush

#humor #lesbian-doctor #love #obgyn #humor

Worry:Interest paid on trouble before it falls due. ↗

— Dean Ing

#humor

My dad was a fairy," said Zach. "And by that I don't mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre. ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#humor

Have you ever heard of a condom? Don't Carpathians have condoms? Because I'm thinking that if you're all that worried, a condom might be just the thing." His smile was slow in coming. "I had not thought of that. As a rule Carpathians do not need such things. ↗

— Christine Feehan

#humor