#us

I would so rock at running amuck. ↗

— K.C. Randall

#humor

Anytime you do something from the heart, people just know it. ↗

— Brad Paisley

#heart #just #know #people #something

The thought of my mother talking to me about sex makes me want to stab my eyes out with a fork, gouge even deeper and scramble my brains to prevent the conversation from ever happening. ↗

— Addison Moore

#skyla #humor

Magnanimous of you.' His mouth twitched. 'Mmm. Use more words like that, please. Schoolmistress words. Long, impressive ones.' He'd made the last three words sound like an innuendo. ↗

— Julie Anne Long

#humorous #humor

SHUT UP!...PADLE! ↗

— Ridley Pearson

#humor

Have you hugged your favorite Dork lately? Most of us are squeezably soft and adorable. ↗

— Michael P. Clutton

#humorous-quotations #humor

It is Nixon himself who represents that dark, venal and incurably violent side of the American character that almost every country in the world has learned to fear and despise. Our Barbie-doll president, with his Barbie-doll wife and his boxful of Barbie-doll children is also America's answer to the monstrous Mr. Hyde. He speaks for the Werewolf in us; the bully, the predatory shyster who turns into something unspeakable, full of claws and bleeding string-warts on nights when the moon comes to close… ↗

— Hunter S. Thompson

#humor #politics #vicious #humor

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest. ↗

— A. Whitney Brown

#am #forest #frustrated #i #i am

Shut up, you fool...Really. I’m running out of things to throw at you. ↗

— K.M. Parr

#humor

Does my grandma count as a bodyguard? ↗

— Holly Hood

#humor