#vampire

Not one word about proposals, no matter how much she pushes,” I told my friends. “No matter what she says or how loud she cries, don’t try to throw that up as a distraction.” Gabriel’s lips twitched. “I don’t think it’s going to be that bad. It’s one woman against five supernatural creatures... And Zeb.” “You laugh because you haven’t heard my mother’s thirty-minute verbal dissertation on appropriate seasonal flower choices. We’re better off letting her yell at us for being dirty, premarital fornicators. ↗

— Molly Harper

#gabriel #jane-jamison #molly-harper #vampire #funny

You know that old saying. Once you go dead, no one's better in bed. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#sex #vampire #humor

Run first,' Shane said. 'Mourn later.' It was the perfect motto for Morganville. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#fiction #humor #paranormal #romance #vampire

I'm going to talk to her." "And how's that going to go? You're just going to walk up to her and say, 'Hey, I know you've never seen me before, but I'm your dad. Oh, and guess what? You've won the evolutionary lottery: You're a vampire. Let's go to Disneyland! ↗

— J.R. Ward

#vampire #humor

There aren't any syringes." Red Sox came over and held a sterile pack out. When she tried to take it form him, he kept a grip on the thing. "I know you'll use this wisely." "Wisely?" She snapped the syringe out of his hand. "No, I'm going to poke him in the eye with it. Because that's what they trained me to do in medical school. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor #medical #paranormal #romance #vampires

Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#myrnin #vampires #humor

Vampires do breathe, by the way, but their chests don't move like humans'. Have you ever lain in the arms of your sweetheart and tried to match your breathing to his, or hers? You do it automatically. Your brain only gets involved if your body is having trouble. Fortunately there was nothing about this situation that was like being in the arms of a sweetheart except that I was leaning against someone's naked chest. I could no more have breathed with him than I could have ignited gasoline and shot exhaust out my butt because I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car. ↗

— Robin McKinley

#humor #vampires #humor

That's very rude," Myrnin said. "I haven't brought my fangs our for some time. Not in mixed company, anyway. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganville #myrnin #vampires #humor

Big lots,' I said, seeing the eighty-year-old oaks and shady lawns. The houses were set way back and had iron fences and stone drives. The harder to hear your neighbors scream, my dear,' was David’s answer, and I sent my head up and down in agreement. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #rachel-morgan #romance #supernatural #vampire

Cole - I just thought of a new game. Jaz - What's that? Cole - Splat the Specter. Jaz - Rules? Cole - You can help me make them up. Right now all I know for sure is that it involves water guns filled with grape Kool-Aid and two ferrets named Biff and Chlamydia. Vayl - Why Ferrets? Jaz - Really? You want to know about his choice of pets when he's named one of them after an STD? ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#humor #jaz-parks #vampire #humor