#vampire

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I might be a vampire so I don't give a shit. I'll heal ↗

— Gena Showalter

#humor #vampire #humor

That night, in the dark, dressed to kill, I lost my life—and became twenty forever. ↗

— Patois

#loss-of-life #twenty #vampire #food

As usual I was working the graveyard shift—an irony I reveled in—at an emergency call center. What other shift would a vampire feel comfortable working? ↗

— Patois

#graveyard-shift #irony #vampire #food

The Reckoning The time has come for Retribution A time for Redemption, A time for Forgiveness A time for Renewal, A time to prevail My love will set you free my darling. Our love, forever bound. -SL Ross ↗

— S.L. Ross

#demons #vampires #werewolves #witches #forgiveness

Embroidery?" I sucked at embroidery. Aunt Hyacinth had tried to teach me, but we'd both given it up as a lost cause.Lucy, strangely, had picked it up really quickly and embroidered a tapestry of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow for my last birthday. ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#solange #vampire #humor

The most temptation I'd experienced had been with Tomas, the Senate's spy who had been feeding off me without permission, and Mircea, who was probably plotting some nefarious scheme. I have no taste in men. ↗

— Karen Chance

#fiction #humor #romance #supernatural #vampire

IF you wish to be a writer then don't wait until you write the "great American novel" for they aren't written they are created. If you don't write at all you won't know how "great" that simple book can be. ↗

— Shiree McCarver

#historical-romance #humor #interracial-romance #satyrs #shiree-mccarver

Vampires, like virgins or priests, are things that women believe in. We must never fail to humor them in such matters. ↗

— Brian McNaughton

#vampires #women #humor

Jane: "Look, Dave Chandler left me on the ninth floor of our university research library without my panties after we lost our virginity together. He never called me again and actually turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction whenever he saw me on campus. Unless you're going to do that, I don't think were gonna have a problem. Gabriel?" Gabriel: "Sorry. Something strange happened inside my head when you said the word "panties". The overwhelming urge to kill Dave Chandler combined with a simultaneous loss of blood to the brain. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humorous #jane #vampire #humor

No idea how you figured out the riddle, but you scooped the first prize. Congratulations. You've just won a vacation to a big, relaxing place called a grave. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #jayde-scott #vampires #humor