#vampire

You may stay. But Jessica, please watch what you say and do. Don't look them in the eyes for long. Speak only when spoken to. Yes, sir; yes, ma'am." "Sit up. Arf," I teased. "What about her?" Jessica cried, pointing in my general direction. "She's more in need of an etiquette lesson than I am." "Yeah," I said, "but I'm the Queen. With a capital fucking Q. Hey, you're looking me in the eyes for too long! Eric, make her stop! ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#humor #vampires #humor

I had two cups of coffee, put Eric's jeans in the washer, read a romance for awhile, and studied my brand-new Word of the Day calendar, a Christmas gift from Arlene. My first word of the New Year was 'exsanguinate.' This was probably not a good omen. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#vampire #humor

Welcome to the fascinating world of the undead! Please use this guidebook as a handy reference as you make your first steps toward eternity. Inside you will find information on vampire nutrition, relationships, and safety. But before learning about your future, a word about our past… —From The Guide for the Newly Undead ↗

— Molly Harper

#vampire #humor

The vampires took everything from me, but I'm looking into the eyes of one who has the power to give me back a reason to live, who can heal my gaping hole of sorrow. ↗

— J.A. London

#romance #vampires #love

No. If i let myself love you, I won't throw myself in front of her. I'll throw myself in front of you ↗

— Richelle Mead

#love

If you ask me if I'm okay again, I'm going to smack myself in the face just to punish you. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#shane-collins #punishment

Vampires should never say Uh-Oh!! ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#vampire

Never give up, Never surrender!!!!! If you think you can't, then you must, if you must, then you can..Tony Robbins ↗

— Paula V. Hardin

#books #dark #gothic #reading #romance

Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humor #politcal-humor #vampires #funny

Just because we don't understand why they'd cover up something doesn't mean they aren't," Bobby said, and we both turned to look at him. "Now you just sound paranoid," I said. "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you," Bobby said with an expression so serious that I couldn't help but laugh. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#funny #paranoid #vampires #funny