#vampires

It's a sweet setup, I'll admit. For all that the maids STILL show up each day with jumbo crucifixes, jumpy movements, and red eyes from crying over the short straw that drew them vampire duty.' Yesterday, she'd just stopped herself from raising her clenched hands above her head and chasing one of them around the room groaning, 'I vant to suck your blood. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#kresley-cole #vampire #vampires #funny

Vampires have credit cards?" "We're undead, not Amish. ↗

— Jennifer Colgan

#humor #vampires #funny

Unless the object of the singer’s affection is a vampire, surely what Hart means is unphotogenic. Only vampires are unphotographable, but affectionate ‘-enic’ rhymes are hard to come by. ↗

— Stephen Sondheim

#lyricism #my-funny-valentine #rhymes #songwriting #valentine

That's brain tissue. How can you-?" Claire shut her mouth, fast. "Never mind. I don't think I wanna know." "Truly, I think that's best. Please take it." He showed his teeth briefly in a very unsettling grin. "I'm giving you a piece of my mind." "I so wish you hadn't said that. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #vampires #humor

Well, friend, I don’t know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody,” Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. “Have we been introduced?” “Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?” “You’re not my type, darling. Is this one yours?” “No,” Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. “Let’s say she’s a friend of the family. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#eve-rosser #funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass

Perv." He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganvillevampires #funny

Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganville-vampires #shane-collins #funny

Oh, I'm starting to cry again. That's what happens when you think about life being fair. And I can't explain why it isn't . . . I don't think it's something anybody knows. ↗

— L.J. Smith

#fury #vampires #life

Tears fled her eyes as she ran, and they slid into her ears, but she did not wipe them, no, she pressed forward through the many trees, keeping her eyes upon the large shadow that flew forward, almost guiding her out of the woods, but that was preposterous – so why am I following it? What do you mean why are you following it? It’s the only thing that’s putting distance between you and those...monsters back there! But what about Lord Delacroix? What the devil about him? He tried to keep you safe – he truly did attempt to save you— And what did that get him? Crushed by a damned Lycan – again! But I should still go back to save him.... I should keep moving! But he’s saved my life – I can’t let him die! Technically, he’s already dead, Alexi.... Goddamn it all! Run – run now – come back when you’re safe! Come back? With who?! Help, of course! Where on Earth am I going to find help?! ↗

— S.C. Parris

#fantasy #fear #internal-dialogue #the-delacroix-series #the-immortal-s-guide

Don’t listen to the ramblings of fools,” he said, smiling grimly. “When it comes down to it, if they knew the truth, no one would want to live on this earth forever. ↗

— Melika Dannese Lux

#death #greydanus #hybrid-vampires #immortality #melika-dannese-lux