#we

You named the chicken, Chicken?" She looked embarrassed. "When we decided not to kill it, I got attached. ↗

— Tracey Garvis-Graves

#sweet #funny

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#accompany #bizarre #funny #harmonica #humor

I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #bizarre #drink #freeze #froze

This morning, as I was driving to work, I mistook a big brown box on the side of the road for a deer. It was dark, and I swerved at the last second, and even though it wasn’t a deer, I still managed to nail that son of a bitch. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#box #deer #driving #funny #humor

There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #flag #flagpole #funny #honor

He auditioned with Lily, and he and Lily had incredible chemistry that sort of blazed off the scene. I’m just sitting here watching this on my computer, and you know, he was not the only person they’ve ever sent me to look at. I’ve gotten lots of headshots and this and that, and I’m watching the audition and I literally started crying because that was my Jace and Clary on the screen. And it’s an incredible feeling to see that even as an audition. This is amazing. He was snarky funny where he needed to be snarky funny, and he was badass where he needed to be badass. And he and Lily were incredible together ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jamie-bower #mortal-instruments #funny

If my name were Mememem, and I had just ran into someone who should have known my name but couldn’t recall it, I’d probably say, “I can’t believe you don’t remememember my name. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #memory #name #strange #weird

Funny, gorgeous, and a genius. What a package." He backed out of the parking space, smiling as he drove away. I loved that he left crazy off the list. I loved it even more that he would never think to add it. ↗

— Myra McEntire

#hourglass #michael-weaver #funny

You’re not the only one in this relationship who loves a challenge,” he says. “And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chip cookies warm and soft in the middle . . . and without magnets glued to them. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#conversation #funny #humor #kiara-westford #funny

Does it have a name? All of these fancy magical weapons usually have names." Bishop glared at her. "Yeah. I like to call it Goldie." "You're funny for an angel." "Not really. I'm just inspired at the moment. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#dark-kiss #michelle-rowen #funny