#wi

Everything looks nicer when you win. The girls are prettier. The cigars taste better. The trees are greener. ↗

— Billy Martin

#cigars #everything #greener #looks #nicer

I have my moments - usually twice every album - when I basically lose it. ↗

— Chris Martin

#basically #every #i #lose #moments

You know, it's possible for two humans to be in a relationship without there needing to be some public reason for that relationship. ↗

— Chris Martin

#know #needing #possible #public #reason

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day. ↗

— Dean Martin

#day #feel #getting #going #good

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#appearing #apple #basket #baskets #because

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#employee #example #good #good example #how

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#confusing #die #fun #i #other

I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.' ↗

— Demetri Martin

#dude #ever #fine #gonna #i

Okay, so, when I was a kid, definitely the drawings and the illustration. Then I stopped in sixth grade or so. And then I started again when I was in my twenties. I really didn't progress since then, so the way I draw is the way I drew in sixth grade. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#definitely #draw #drawings #drew #grade

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#apart #argue #car #different #driving