#y

There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #war #wwi #wwii #funny

I am better then most people in life. -Rustin Hieber ↗

— Ryan Higa

#humor #justin-bieber #nigahiga #random-quote #ryan-higa

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Don't call a woman a bitch. Call her an ass-hole. It still gets your point across and it's not sexist. ↗

— Eleanor Roosevelt

#sexism #vocabulary #humor

There you go, Harry!” Ron shouted over the noise. “You weren’t being thick after all — you were showing moral fiber! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #ron-weasley #humor

I hated that the soldier doll had my name. I mean, please. I didn't play with him much. He was another Christmas present from my clueless grandparents. One time when they were visiting, my grandpa asked me if G.I. Joe had been in any wars lately. I said, "No, but he and Ken got married last week." Every Christmas since then, my grandparents have sent me a check. ↗

— James Howe

#homosexuality #humor #humor

I'll tell you something. Once I was very fond of a poem by Emily Dickinson or somebody. I only remember one line of it, but it goes, 'The soul selects her own society.' I used to tell it to everybody. Once I quoted it to a friend of mine, and he said, 'Maybe, but the body gets thrown into bed with the goddamnedest people. ↗

— Peter S. Beagle

#humor #sex #humor

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ↗

— Chauncey Mitchell Depew

#humor #naughty #humor

Look, Sage. I don't know much about chemistry or computer hacking or photosynthery, but this is something I've got a lot of experience with." I think he mean photosynthesis, but I didn't correct him. "Use my knowledge. Don't let it go to waste. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #smart #sydney-sage #experience

A karaoke bar?" Mitch glared at him. "You dragged us to a karaoke bar?" "She didn't tell me it was karaoke." "You know it's bad enough having to listen to you guys howl all the time. But this...this may be asking too much. Dogs. Singing." Mitch turned to the bar and lashed Smitty with another glare. "And no goddamn liquor. You know, as per shifter law, I could legally kill you. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#mitch #smitty #humor