#z

There was this funny thing of anything could happen now that we realized everything had. ↗

— Raymond Carver

#life #misery #funny

Colin : “Perhaps now is the time to tell you that I have a weakness for agreeable women.” Sugar Beth : “Well, that sure does leave me out.” Colin : “Exactly. With agreeable women, I’m unendingly considerate. Gallant even.” Sugar Beth : “But with tarts like me, the gloves are off, is that it?” Colin : “I wouldn’t exactly call you a tart. But then, I tend to be broad-minded.” She suppressed the urge to dump her porridge in his lap. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#susan-elizabeth-phillips #funny

Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#its-kind-of-a-funny-story #ned-vizinni #funny

We're clear," she said. "You're kind of a psycho. I get that ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #morganville-vampires #funny

What is it? Tens, I can see the stick up your arse from here. I'm dying remember? Dying people don't have time for silly moods ↗

— Amber Kizer

#funny #meridian #mrs-fulbright #funny

Each memory rips through me, and although I stow myself against the emotions, I can’t prevent the pain that accompanies each image. Pain for a love never acknowledged, pain for a friendship now gone. Pain for a loss I can’t possibly endure. ↗

— Christine Fonseca

#loss #pain #sacrifice #zane #friendship

I’ve always wondered about people who live in their cars. I’ll bet for them ordering a pizza is kind of tricky. Should they have it delivered, or should they pick it up? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#pizza #funny

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#granmda-mazur #humor #stephanie-plum #funny

Are you suggesting I’m working with the zombies? That I paid them to pretend to attack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paranormal-romance #sarcasm #zombie #funny

Furthermore--though it was quite irrelevant now--he had no idea his killer, Kazuo Kiriyama, had, in his mansion that was much larger than Toshinori's home in Shiroiwa-cho, mastered the violin at a level far superior to Toshinori's a long time ago--and then tossed his violin into the trash. ↗

— Koushun Takami

#kazuo #violin #funny