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You sure are a sweet girl, Scout. I'm half tempted to keep you." "Ummm... Thanks?" Knowing she was a potential Alpha I worried about what "keeping me" might entail. Probably chains. And whips. And maybe a dog collar. And now I was going to have to live with scary Fifty Shades Aunt Rachel pictures living in my head for all time.


Tammy Blackwell


#funny-quotes #funny

The only thing I can recommend at this stage is a sense of humor, an ability to see things in their ridiculous and absurd dimensions, to laugh at others and at ourselves, a sense of irony regarding everything that calls out for parody in this world. In other words, I can only recommend perspective and distance.


Václav Havel


#life #paradoxes #humor

She forks up a little nibble and wedges it in her mouth. "Yum," she croaks. Mrs. Wong looks pleased. "It's made with tofu." I can't resist. "Free-range tofu?" My mother looks over at me sharply. Mrs. Wong takes the bait. "Now, Cassidy, tofu isn't an animal," she chides. "It's soy bean curd. Soy bean curd doesn't need to roam free." On the floor below me, Emma lets out a little snort. I nudge her again with my foot. We're both grinning at the thought of a corral somewhere with little cubes of tofu wandering around. "Home, home on the range," I sing to her under my breath. "Where the deer and the tofu roam free...


Heather Vogel Frederick


#humor #young-adult-fiction #humor

For the record, I would like to point out that it is NOT being obsessive to memorize a boy's schedule so that you can accidentally bump into him. It is called being efficient.


Jess Rothenberg


#humor #love #young-adult #young-love #humor

Why is it, I wondered, that old people are always so self-centered and excitable? But I just smiled benignly and stood back, comforted by the thought that soon they would be dead.


Bill Bryson


#humor #old-people #humor

That's all you've got for me?" I drew a long breath and let it out slowly. "You know. I might be able to get more clues from Google.


Jayde Scott


#humor #inspirational #humor

Your king is SUPPOSED to explode? What kind of government system is that?


Jefferson Smith


#government #humor #humour #kings #monarchy

That's my point: if you own thirty or more books, or you are reading any book at this moment, you may protest all you want, but you were born on the wrong continent.


Thomas Geoghegan


#books #europe #humor #reading #humor

They'll torture you for months before killing you if you run" Otis shrugged, as if this was an everyday occurrence.


Heather Brewer


#morbid #otis #run #running #vampire

There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.


Woody Allen


#humor #science #humor






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