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Here's the last thing that occurs to me as Sarah recedes in the rearview mirror, slamming out of the car, jogging across the parking lot: If you're one tardy away from missing out on a big competition, you should probably make your coffee at home. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#time-management #home

I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor #inspirational #philosophy-of-life #psychological #humor

Tex's head snapped in my direction. Fuckin' A, woman, you've never had a s'more? he boomed I shook my head. Christ, everyone's gotta have a s'more before they die. Fuck that shit, I'll build a fire in my backyard tonight and I'll stop by Kumar's on the way home to get the stuff. Everyone can come by- ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#hector #hilarious #regret #rock-chick #sadie

The only good thing to do with good advice is pass it on; it is never of any use to oneself. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#epigram #humor #humor

The coverlet warmed her legs. The firelight wobbled over the pages. Maelyn sank into the world the words wrapped around her, hushing everything that hurt, and seeping tranquility right down to her toes. She was home. ↗

— Anita Valle

#reading #home

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? ↗

— Mark Twain

#common #eighteen #had #humanity #most

I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offered to tweeze his eyebrows. He accepted and was so grateful that he offered to trade mustaches with me. In remembrance of that special bonding moment, I still wear his mustache over my left nipple.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bald #baldness #bond #bonding #eyebrows

It is a defect of God's humor that he directs our hearts everywhere but to those who have a right to them. ↗

— Tom Stoppard

#love #humor

The advice that I usually give to young actors is that if you can create a character for the stage and keep that character fresh for at least 6 months that means you're doing the show eight times a week. ↗

— Joe Morton

#character #create #doing #eight #fresh

Harry and Hermione are very platonic friends. But I won't answer for anyone else, nudge-nudge wink-wink! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#interview #nudge #platonic #radio #wink