#ai

Easy for you to say. You're the one who got plowed. I was doing the plowing." Cam's mouth opened. Oh my God, did I really just say that? I had. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#cam #funny #haha #jennifer-l-armentrout #lol

Ladies and gentleman," he said over the speakers, "welcome aboard this recently liberated Gulfstream V. If I could have your attention for just a few moments, I'd like to go over the safety features of this aircraft. It has an engine, to make us go, and wings, to keep us in the air. There are seatbelts, which won't do you an awful lot of good if we fly into the side of a mountain. ↗

— Derek Landy

#craft #fly #funny #malifecent #plane

What the hell is so funny?", He snapped. His hands now planted on his hips. Claire waved a dismissive hand, " I'm sorry", she giggled then took a deep breath to get herself under control. " It's fine Henry really, if it makes you feel any better, you have an amazing ass too", she said.Henry snorted and rolled his eyes. " Whatever ↗

— Andria Large

#henry #funny

Be true to your divided selves. They're the only ones who will support you in moments of vacillation. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #self #uncertainty #funny

Orafoura paid me in pajamas, and I let him because the pajamas matched his plaid mustache.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #mustache #orafoura #pajamas

Shit down your computer, and restart. ↗

— Claire Chilton

#funny-quotes #i-t-quotes #techie-quotes #typo-quotes #funny

It’s true—there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows. ↗

— Cheryl Cory

#funny #humor #kermit #muppets #music

One should not believe too strongly in a life which can easily vanish. ↗

— James Salter

#life #love #relationship #faith

Pleased to meet you," Tellin says, shaking me out of my reverie. "Lily told me much about you last weekend." "Funny." Quince throws me a questioning glance. "She didn't mention you at all. ↗

— Tera Lynn Childs

#fins-are-forever #lily #lily-sanderson #mer-people #mermaid

His handsome face is suffused with rage. He stands before me shaking, then to my disgust, bursts into noisy tears; "I shall tell my mother of you!" he sobs and crashes out of the chamber ↗

— Alison Weir

#funny #guilford-dudley #innocent-traitor #jane-grey #funny