#all

She groaned as her face turned to press against the rosewood floor. "Welly, remind me to order a better mattress for my bed. This one is far too firm." "Oh, Eliza," Wellington gasped, now remembering why he was in these lush surroundings. "No broken nose, I hope." "S'all right," Braun slurred. Her voiced dropped to a whisper. "My ample bosom broke my fall. ↗

— Philippa Ballantine

#ministry-of-peculiar-occurrences #philippa-ballantine #tee-morris #humor

Being trapped thus is incredibly frustrating for me, and occasionally I take it out on others. Again, I apologize. Now, if you’d like, I can help you with what you’re seeking.” Knowing I’d probably regret it, I crossed the room and yanked the canvas off the mirror. As before, he was sitting on the table, smirking at me. “Jackass, jackass on the wall, where’s the info on Hex Hall? ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#humor #sophie-mercer #spell-bound #humor

Who knows himself a braggart, let him fear this, for it will come to pass that every braggart shall be found an ass. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#ass #braggart #bragging #humility #humor

I sheathed my blade and glared at him. "And here I almost thought you weren't a complete bastard." "Well, that's your mistake, not mine. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor #jackal #humor

You know how when someone is tall, people will compare them to a string bean? She, my friend, was like asparagus, but without the subsequent odor. ↗

— Tom Alford

#funny #humor #string-bean #tall #funny

My dear dead mother wanted me to go into an honorable trade, like grave robbing. Would I listen? No. Be an assassin, like your uncle Gustav, she said. Would I pay heed? No. Apprentice to the Necromancer― ↗

— Raymond E. Feist

#humor #humor

You do that Helen", Mallory dared. "And tell him we said to f*ck off while youre at it". ↗

— Chloe Neill

#helen #humor #mallory #swearing #humor

I cried because I had no wallet, until I met a man who had no money. I don’t know why he had no money, because that man stole my wallet.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#crying #humor #money #steal #stolen

One of the things he'd always loved about Clary was how easily caught up in her imagination she was, how easily she could wall herself away in illusory worlds of curses and princes and destiny and magic. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#simon-lewis #imagination

I can see why you like it here,'he said,making a sweeping gesture that encompassed Kyles collection of movie posters and science fiction books."Theres a thin layer of nerd all over everything'said Jace "Thanks.I appreciate that."Simon gave Jace a hard look. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace-lightwood #humor