#amp

Welcome to the fascinating world of the undead! Please use this guidebook as a handy reference as you make your first steps toward eternity. Inside you will find information on vampire nutrition, relationships, and safety. But before learning about your future, a word about our past… —From The Guide for the Newly Undead ↗

— Molly Harper

#vampire #humor

I do believe in shooting the messenger. You know why? Because it sends a message. ↗

— Damon Salvador

#vampire-diaries #humor

She raised a sharp eyebrow at him. "Vlad, no offense, but look at you. If you're not a vampire, you're clearly the most anemic goth I've ever seen."... "We believed you. Because that's what friends do." pg267 October to Vlad ↗

— Heather Brewer

#friends #goth #humor #october #vampire

I had lied so much lately that I was honestly surprised my pants weren't literally made of fire. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#vampire #humor

Why go for something cold and dead, when you can have something hot and panting? ↗

— K.R. Smith

#vampires #werewolves #humor

Is this bitch crazy? I don't want to 'accidentally' drown ↗

— J.L. McCoy

#vampire #humor

I mean, electric shock? Isn’t that a bit... electric shock-y? ↗

— Emmett Spain

#humor #london-city #urban-fantasy #vampire #humor

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bull shit. ↗

— Richard Pryor

#richard-pryor #stand-up-comedy #vampires #humor

Something you killed didn't stay dead? Wow. That must have really put some termites in your coffin. ↗

— Christopher Farnsworth

#humor #paranormal-suspense #vampires #humor

MEG (to Dante, the vampire):“Vampires aren’t as cool as I expected them to be. In romance novels, vampires are all dark and broody and sexy. In real life, you talk an awful lot about stocks. ↗

— Sophie Oak

#paranormal-romance #vampires #humor