#ang

He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beautiful #beauty #bizarre #corpse #dating

In such diffused changes of culture two factors are necessary: contact and understanding. ↗

— Hu Shih

#contact #culture #diffused #factors #necessary

I've had a very strange life. Whenever I've married, I've married for life. But things have gone desperately wrong. ↗

— Dinah Sheridan

#gone #had #i #life #married

To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gross #odd #piss #strange

Courage - a perfect sensibility of the measure of danger, and a mental willingness to endure it. ↗

— William Tecumseh Sherman

#danger #endure #measure #mental #perfect

Things change so fast, you can't use 1971 ethics on someone born in 1971. ↗

— Grace Slick

#change #ethics #fast #someone #things

A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if you think about it.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used in conjunction with another brick to be the Democrat and Republican Presidential candidates. People will say, Vote for the brick on the left, or, The brick on the right is better. But do not be deceived—they're both the same, and they're both bricks.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But why bother? To promote an open-door policy, I had all the walls knocked down. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to impregnate your fireplace? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny