#ant

The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car. ↗

— Derek Landy

#pleasant #skulduggery #funny

Come live with us, Diana. Don't argue. Just say yes." Diana looked at the ground to hide her emotions. Then she said, "Would I have to be hearing you two going at it night and day? ↗

— Michael Grant

#come-live-with-us #diana #funny #gone #gone-series

I used to be such a militant city-ist, but more and more I've seen forests and nature and oceans, and I don't know any more if this is the awesomest way to live. ↗

— Regina Spektor

#forests #i #know #live #militant

Green Lantern: "What are your powers anyway? You can't fly." Batman: "No." Green Lantern: "Super-strength?" Batman: "No." Green Lantern: "Hold on a second... You're not just some guy in a bat costume, are you? Are you freaking kidding me?! ↗

— Geoff Johns

#funny #green-lantern #justice-league #superheroes #funny

I am proud of my kids, but I also want to make my mom proud of me. I'm still a momma's girl at the heart of the situation. ↗

— Tori Spelling

#am #girl #heart #i #i am

We want to obviously foster a relationship that we're a partner with states; that we all share the same goals of closing the achievement gap, just as the Congress does; and that we're practical and sophisticated enough to understand what they're talking about. ↗

— Margaret Spellings

#achievement #closing #congress #does #enough

Have you ever wanted to be somebody else? Today I fantasized about being my own identical monozygotic twin. How cool would that be? I could both be me, and yet be someone completely different. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fantasy #funny #monozygotic-twin #somebody-else #funny

Anyone who wants simple, pat stories should buy another author's product. The real universe ain't that way, and neither are my fictive ones. ↗

— David Brin

#anyone #author #buy #fictive #neither

An arrogant laughs at repentance. ↗

— Toba Beta

#funny #repentance #funny

Underwater, bubbles erupted before my eyes as a swift hand snatched my arm and pulled me to the surface. I gasped for air, coughing and gagging at the amount of water I sucked into my lungs by pure shock. What was up with me and breathing in water? I needed to grow some gills or something. ↗

— Laura Kreitzer

#fiction #funny #gills #humor #kreitzer