#at

Mr. Klamp laid down the law. No tardiness, no talking above 40 decibels, no untied shoelaces, no visible undergarments, no eating, no chewing gum, no chewing tobacco, no chewing betel nuts, no chewing coca leaves, no chewing out students (unless Mr. Klamp was doing the chewing out), no chewing out teachers (unless ditto), no unnecessary displays of temper (unless ditto), no unnecessary displays of affection (no exceptions), no pets over one ounce or under one ton, and no singing, except in Bulgarian. I began to think Mr Klamp wouldn't be so bad... ↗

— Polly Shulman

#humor #rules #school #students #teachers

You know,” OreSeur muttered quietly, obviously counting on her tin to let Vin hear him, “it seems that these meetings would be more productive if someone forgot to invite those two.” Vin smiled. “They’re not that bad,” she whispered. OreSeur raised an eyebrow. “Okay,” Vin said. “They do distract us a little bit.” “I could always eat on of them, if you wish,” OreSeur said. “That might speed things up.” Vin paused. OreSeur, however had a strange little smile on his lips. “Kandra humor, Mistress. I apologize. We can be a bit grim.” Vin smiled. “They probably wouldn’t taste very good anyway. Ham’s far too stringy, and you don’t want to know the kinds of things that Breeze spends his time eating….” “I’m not sure,” OreSeur said. “One is, after all, named ‘Ham.’ As for the other…” He nodded to the cup of wine in Breeze’s hand. “He does seem quite fond of marinating himself. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#marinating-oneself #humor

If I knew me as somebody else, I would hate me just as much. Why have a double standard? ↗

— David Wong

#humor #humor

I lay there in my black slip dress and wondered if I ought to have worn pants. I mean, who knew what I was going to find up there? What if I had to do some climbing? People might see my underwear. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor #humor

Undo it, take it back, make every day the previous one until I am returned to the day before the one that made you gone. Or set me on an airplane traveling west, crossing the date line again and again, losing this day, then that, until the day of loss still lies ahead, and you are here instead of sorrow. ↗

— Nessa Rapoport

#loss #sorrow #dating

I don't think you should die until you're ready. Until you've wrung out every last bit of living you can. ↗

— Libba Bray

#death

The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#life #truth #life

What the hell is instant? Nothing is instant. Instant rice takes five minutes, instant pudding in an hour. ↗

— John Green

#philosophical #realization #humor

I was always athletic and I could do a lot of things. ↗

— Shannon Miller

#athletic #could #i #lot #things

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet. ↗

— Stanislaw Lec

#beneath #beware #feet #ground #joy