#bizarre

Croquet is tough. People play for months because the rules are so bizarre. Those crazy English. ↗

— Jane Kaczmarek

#bizarre #crazy #english #months #people

I was enchanted by the escape into that meticulous world that seemed real yet not... well, it seemed not real, but very detailed and meticulous, bizarre. ↗

— Richard Foreman

#detailed #enchanted #escape #i #into

Several famous people have licked my nipples. Well, indirectly. First they licked the stamps, and then I peeled them off the letters and stuck them on my nipples.
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— Jarod Kintz

#celebrity #fame #funny #humor #letter

It's so bizarre, I'm not scared of snakes or spiders. But I'm scared of butterflies. There is something eerie about them. Something weird! ↗

— Nicole Kidman

#bizarre #butterflies #eerie #i #scared

A blanket could be used like Lenny McDenny says hello. He never says hi, because he only says goodbye. He’s always leaving and never arriving. I’m like that too, except I’m always arriving and never leaving. I also eat all the food in your fridge, and never leave when you ask me to. Why would I leave? Good food, good friends, and good food. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I think the most romantic letter you ever gave me was “W,” because it’s a couple of soul mate “V”s. Or maybe they were a couple of letters of the same sex engaging in a homosexual relationship. A “W” is two “V”s in a civil union, but the world is not ready to flip that on its head and let them go for the big “M. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #gay #gays #homosexuality

Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs and then come back up? Same destination, same distance, same amount of work, but two different paths. Who knows, I might find love on one path. Probably the path I don’t choose. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #love #odd

My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfaction. Try them for free or your money back. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#armpits #bizarre #customer-satisfaction #customers #free

A brick is a rust-colored blur of movement, caught in a moment, and transformed from motion into a physical object. Studying this brick would give scientists an insight into how fast I run.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A door is too rigid to be draped over a body and made into a good blanket, but a blanket could be hung up in an empty doorframe and transformed into a door. But don’t knock, because I’m trying to sleep.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny