#ch

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. ↗

— E. V. Lucas

#late #much #noticed #often #people

Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck... but it was just a hug. His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead." Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin

Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple. ↗

— George Carlin

#life #school #humor

We came around the corner and stood in the doorway of what looked like a paint-testing ground. This was where we proved once and for all that we were good loving parents. We decided to let him live. "What is painting doing in my best Tupperware bowl?" I yelled. "Well, I needed something lightweight I could carry around with me," he began. "You've been carrying around a brain for year," the boy's father said. ↗

— Sylvia Harney

#home-disasters #humor #parents #sarcasm #home

Upon walking into Eva's kitchen, something profound happened to Delphine. She experienced a fabulous expansion of being. Light-headed, she felt a swooping sensation and then a quiet, as though she'd settled like a bird. ↗

— Louise Erdrich

#home #kitchen #home

I do not think that when in a hotel you have to feel “at home”, on the contrary, you have to get the feeling that you are definitely elsewhere… ↗

— Aurelio Vazquez Duran

#hotel #home

The Three D's of Creating True Happiness For All....... Declutter - Remove all unwanted items from your home, Donate - to your local charity, Deduct - Save money by claiming your donation on your tax return ↗

— Christina Scalise

#declutter #deduct #donate #happiness #organize

A witch, a vampire, and a pixy walk into a bar, I thought as I led the way into the Squirrel’s End. It was early, and the sun had yet to set when the door swung shut behind Jenks, sealing us in the warm air smelling faintly of smoke. Immediately Nick yanked it open to come in behind us. And there’s the punch line. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #rachel-morgan #romance #vampire #humor

If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. ↗

— Jane Seabrook

#heaven #humor #humor

Did someone just call me the wine dude?” he asked in a lazy drawl. “It’s Bacchus, please. Or Mr. Bacchus. Or Lord Bacchus. Or, sometimes, Oh-My-Gods-Please-Don’t-Kill-Me, Lord Bacchus. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#dionysus #gods #humor #names #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians