#che

Shoving aside fear and self-doubt, I met his eyes, aiming for absolute confidence in both my stance and my voice. “My father taught me to disarm my opponent at all costs—regardless of his choice of weapon,” I said, glancing pointedly at his groin. “Are you threatening me?” “Damn right. Lay one hand on me and you’ll never stand to pee again.” His eyes darkened, and his laugh sounded forced. “You’re very funny, gatita.” “I’m glad you think so. I’ve always considered my sense of humor to be largely under-appreciated, so it’s nice to finally meet a fan. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#rachel-vincent #stray #funny

We are men who find chess fascinating. Did you expect our lives to be secretly interesting? ↗

— Noah Boyd

#humor #humor

If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it's like introducing them to a future spouse. ↗

— Christian Lander

#food #humor #white-people #food

Mrs. Palmer is a teacher so naturally I assumed she would never do anything good for me. ↗

— Jim Benton

#diary #dumb #humor #teacher #humor

[Kirk] paced back toward his command chair, all eyes on him. "He must have a weakness." "Certainly," Chekov said. "Is he not basically humanoid? He could be poisoned, phasered, stabbed-" Kirk sneered. "Without killing him, Ensign." With a shrug, Chekov turned quietly back to his console, pulling his hands from his lap and placing them on the controls. ↗

— Dave Galanter

#humor #humour #kirk #star-trek #humor

How does knowing 'things could be worse' than what I already deem is awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy! ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#pessimism #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm #sarcasm-humor

And then I wonder, does my brother think of me this way? We entered this world together, one after the other, beats in a pulse. But I will be first to leave it. That's what I've been promised. When we were children, did he dare to imagine an empty space beside him where I then stood giggling, blowing soap bubbles through my fingers? When I die, will he be sorry that he loved me? Sorry that we were twins? Maybe he already is. ↗

— Lauren DeStefano

#fever #lauren-destefano #imagination

You ain’t know nothing,” a man scoffed. “How I’m supposed to trust some junkie Churchwitch-” The words sliced through her like razor-sharp fangs. Her face flooded with shame, so hot she imagined it steamed in the icy air. At least it wasn’t difficult to identify the speaker. All she had to do was look for the man with Terrible’s fist locked around his neck. “Ain’t think I hear you right,” Terrible said in a calm, quiet voice. “Wanna louden up?” The man shook his head His eyes bulged. He looked like a bug, with his hands clenching into tiny useless fists. “You sure? You got else to say, you best say it now, instead of later. Now we got us watchers. Later might not be true, dig?” The man dug. ↗

— Stacia Kane

#terrible #imagination

How do you always know just what to say?" I ask. His laugh rumbles through me. "Practice, I guess." I pull back and give him a quizzical look. "I spent three years imagining what I would say to you if you were mine," he says, tugging me close. "I should hope I know what to say now that I've got you. ↗

— Tera Lynn Childs

#fins-are-forever #lily #lily-sanderson #mer-people #mermaids

She smiled, and there it was again, that aching pressure in his chest. Love, or a heart attack. Kind of the same thing. ↗

— Kristan Higgins

#heart-attack #love #smile #love