#chi

My mother, my psychiatrist and an assortment of sedatives eventually convinced me I was delusional. ↗

— Wayne Gerard Trotman

#delusions #drugs #funny-quotes #mother #psychiatrist

Alvin smiled back, and kissed her. "People talk about fools counting chickens before they hatch. That's nothing. We name them. ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#counting #fools #funny #funny

On the stairs he was crying so much he hardly saw where he was going - not a mad boo-hoo but wailing sheets of tears, shaken into funny groans by the bump of each step as he hurried down. ↗

— Alan Hollinghurst

#children #funny

Tex's head snapped in my direction. Fuckin' A, woman, you've never had a s'more? he boomed I shook my head. Christ, everyone's gotta have a s'more before they die. Fuck that shit, I'll build a fire in my backyard tonight and I'll stop by Kumar's on the way home to get the stuff. Everyone can come by- ↗

— Kristen Ashley

#hector #hilarious #regret #rock-chick #sadie

The devil can get you through your flesh. He knows the button to press on your flesh and have a way into your mind. The flesh becomes a transport medium for evil things if not killed for God. If Christ makes a home in your mind, satan can't get there. ↗

— Israelmore Ayivor

#bishop #christ #devil #evangelism #evil

LOOKING The world goes by, and what have I to do with it? I merely observe how the geese stretch their necks towards the orange rim of sky. I watch how light fades and children make their way home, hungry and tired. The bushes outside become ghosts while baths run and kitchen windows steam up with the cooking. This is the smell of our home, where I have a place in the wrinkled hours making beds and hugging boys awake. This is the sound of the house where I feel out lives into words, translate ragged nights and days into something whole, or try to. You may look if you wish..... The world goes by, and what have you or I to do with it, except perhaps for looking... ? ↗

— Jay Woodman

#bed #children #home #house #kitchen

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. ↗

— Paul Terry

#humor #laziness #misattributed-to-hutchins #humor

My dad had once told me, crimson-red deep in “the talk,” that with sons, all he had to worry about was one penis, but with a daughter, he had to worry about everyone else’s. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#parents-and-children #the-sex-talk #humor

Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS. ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#humor #humor

Safari, so goody. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#humor #pun #humor