#cho

It so happens that I'm pro choice. ↗

— Arlen Specter

#happens #i #pro

If a problem can be solved, there is nothing to worry about. If it can't be solved, well you can always buy chocolate :) ↗

— Pablo

#funny #funny

Companionship is a foreign concept to some people. They fear it as much as the majority of people fear loneliness. ↗

— Criss Jami

#companion #companionship #different #extroversion #fear

That streetside tree is obscuring the air. Cut it down. Haul it in for questioning. There are secrets within that foliage. You might want to separate the branches in different rooms and apply some elementary game theory.” “Question a plant?” “Trees have a will too, just like people. We have to know it’s purpose. Read Schopenhauer.” “Schopenwho?” “He was the only authentic German. You might like him. Being a police officer, you’re undoubtedly familiar with the need to put an end to the lives of the perverse when sex crimes go too far. Now just generalize that necessity to every human being. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #schopenhauer #trees #will #funny

Tim and Raine are coming in." "Are they insane?" "Apparently. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#chronicles #curfew #funny #heroes #susan

Brookfield High School. How may I direct your call? No, sir, this is not a waste- disposal unit, I'm afraid you have the wrong number. ↗

— Jaclyn Moriarty

#high-school #funny

Robert said, "This is great, huh? Sorry to butt in and everything, but I really need the extra points. For my grade." Ben nodded and tried to smile. Right, for his grade. He probably wanted to get an A++ in social studies instead of just an A+ ↗

— Andrew Clements

#grades #school #funny

I don’t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ‘parapsychology.’ Especially that one branch, psychology. You’re going to tell me there’s something inside my head, controlling me? ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #psychology #funny

My mother, my psychiatrist and an assortment of sedatives eventually convinced me I was delusional. ↗

— Wayne Gerard Trotman

#delusions #drugs #funny-quotes #mother #psychiatrist

Sorry I'm late," Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late. ↗

— Adam Rex

#late #papers #school #teacher #funny