#ck

Don't tell me you fell something for the little . . . oh.' The vampire blinked, then curled his lip back, disgust and pity crossing his sharp features. 'Oh, sister. Really? That's just sad. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#jackal #humor

I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing... ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #plumbing #humor

...to go to a dance with a guy who has all the personality of a serial killer mixed with a sponge. ↗

— J.A. Beard

#humor #the-emerald-city #witty-comebacks #humor

You can give me detention. Oh, wait, that's right...you aren't the boss of me. So I guess you can just bite me. -Dean ↗

— Jeff Mariotte

#humor #sarcasm #science-fiction #humor

Overheard at O'Banion's Beer Emporium: "Pardon me, darlin', but I'm writin' a telephone book. C'n I have yer number? ↗

— Henry D. Spalding

#irish #phone-number #pick-up-line #humor

When all else fails...try smoking a good cigar and have a stiff drink. If that doesn't work...have another. ↗

— Timothy Pina

#jack #sarcasm #humor

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door that they want to stop people from opening it up? I don’t know, but it’s got to be diabolical, and if anything is to be stopped, it’s not the door—it’s the evil plan by the Door Master to take over the world.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

She wore an A-line bridal gown with a V-shaped neckline while Apollo playing Bach's Air on the G string. ↗

— Tai Odunsi

#greek #greek-mythology #humor #olympians #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

There is a moment, just before I reach it that I consider going up through the lubber's hole because I'm wearing a dress, but I just can't do it. I go to the edge, do the flip over and land on the foretop. If anyone got a peek at my drawers, well, good for them, I hope they enjoyed it. ↗

— L.A. Meyer

#humor #jacky-faber #humor

Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.” The Black Company pg 447 ↗

— Glen Cook

#the-black-company #humor