#ck

Prejudice is a raft onto which the shipwrecked mind clambers and paddles to safety. ↗

— Ben Hecht

#onto #prejudice #raft #safety #shipwrecked

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock. ↗

— Ben Hecht

#determine #going #hand #like #newspapers

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#backpack #being #bring #day #down

I don't know what goes on behind my back... I always feel like, if you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything. ↗

— Amy Heckerling

#anything #back #behind #feel #goes

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#ask #following #goin #going #hook

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#blowing #bubble #carefree #felt #flavor

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#business #came #casino #exit #fire

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#severed #stocking #ultimate

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#cause #down #i #know #necklace

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. ↗

— Mitch Hedberg

#blackjack #gambling #i #like #play