#come

Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#comedy #humor #humor

...to go to a dance with a guy who has all the personality of a serial killer mixed with a sponge. ↗

— J.A. Beard

#humor #the-emerald-city #witty-comebacks #humor

Sleepwalking is the perfect exorcise for lazy people ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humor #humour #life #philosophy #sports

You can give me detention. Oh, wait, that's right...you aren't the boss of me. So I guess you can just bite me. -Dean ↗

— Jeff Mariotte

#humor #sarcasm #science-fiction #humor

Blake looked around and gulped. He'd forgotten about the mess on the floor. Chamber pot shards, his shaving kit, a towel or two... "I... ah..." It seemed to him that it was far easier to lie for the sake of national security than it was to his older sister. "Is that a bar of soap stuck to the wall?" Penelope asked. "Um... yes, it appears to be. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#soap #humor

Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window ↗

— Josh Stern

#comedy #humor

This,” Alaric explained to Sarah in what he thought was a kindly voice, “isn’t love you’re feeling. Only dopamine. Because Felix isn’t like anyone else you know. Being a creature of the night, he’s new and exciting and activates a neurotransmitter in your brain that releases feelings of euphoria when you’re around him…especially because you know you can never actually be together, and he seems complicated, and perhaps even sensitive and vulnerable at times. But I can assure you: he’s anything but.” “How dare you?” Sarah demanded hotly. “It isn’t dopa…whatever! It’s love! Love! ↗

— Meg Cabot

#dopamine #humor #love #vampires #humor

Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' "I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken. ↗

— Dick Gregory

#comedy #humor #racism #humor

Life keeps throwing me curve balls and I don't even own a bat. At least my dodging skills are improving. ↗

— Jayleigh Cape

#hardship #jayleigh-cape #life #overcome #perseverance

No one knows for sure that that tomorrow won't come, but most people assume that tomorrow will still exist as usual. This is Toba's Paradox, which means, hope overcomes doubt. ↗

— Toba Beta

#hope #life #overcome #paradox #toba