#cop

I called the police to report my missing mustache, but they didn’t take me seriously. I’ll bet if I had a mustache, they’d take me seriously. #catch22
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cops #funny #humor #mustache #police

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#fat #found #get #likely #more

Something wonderful begins to happen with the simple realization that life, like an automobile, is driven from the inside out, not the other way around. As you focus more on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be, you begin to find peace right now, in the present. Then, as you move around, try new things, and meet new people, you carry that sense of inner peace with you. It's absolutely true that, "Wherever you go, there you are. ↗

— Richard Carlson

#peace #life

May your life be filled, as mine has been, with love and laughter; and remember, when things are rough all you need is ... Chocolate. ↗

— Geraldine Solon

#chocolate #comfort #coping #hard-times #life

One of the few times in a man's life when he is not full of shit!! The morning of a colonoscopy. Enough said! ↗

— Jim Lawrence

#few-times #full #full-of-shit #life #man

Chances are, while you can come across as introverted, the real reason for your apparent reserve is you’re happy to be the life of your own party (be it in your head or in your own space) rather than follow the crowd. ↗

— Rosemary Breen

#horoscope-compatibility #pisces #life

If I may so express it, I was steeped in Dora. I was not merely over head and ears in love with her, but I was saturated through and through. Enough love might have been wrung out of me, metaphorically speaking, to drown anybody in; and yet there would have remained enough within me, and all over me, to pervade my entire existence. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#david-copperfield #dora #love #love

I love fortune readings! because when I get in troubles, if the reading says that I am in a lucky day, I can think my troubles are just some kind of mistakes, and if the reading says that I am in the unlucky day, I can think that my troubles are just because of my bad luck. Either ways, I can know the reason of my troubles. ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#fortune-telling #funny #horoscope #humorous #life

I cared about them. I wanted them to feel better, to live better lives. And then it occurred to me - I cared about myself. I wanted me to live a better life, too Caring about myself was allowing me to care about others. ↗

— Cate Tiernan

#friends #hope #love #realization #suicide

It wasn't supposed to. It was just supposed to stop you from hurting yourself.” “It helps—” “No it doesn't. It just pushes it away temporarily. Just like the booze.” “But I need—” “You need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on.” “You make it sound so easy.” Bitterness drips from each syllable. “It’s not. It’s the fucking hardest thing a person can do.” I smooth a damp strand out of her face and away from my mouth. “It’s the hardest fucking thing. It’s why we drink and do drugs and fight. It’s why I play music and build engines. ↗

— Jasinda Wilder

#colton #cope #coping #cutting #drinking