#d

Don't call me a dinosaur. It isn't fair to the dinosaurs. What did a dinosaur ever do to you? ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious! ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #playing #humor

How would you feel about sharing your bed?" she asked. Tristan blinked. "Excuse me?" "He'd love to!" Gary said. Tristan shot him a look, "Good," said Ivy, failing to notice Gary's wink. "Ella can be a pillow hog, but all you have to do is roll over her. ↗

— Elizabeth Chandler

#gary #humor #ivy #kissed-by-an-angel #tristan

A well-read woman is a dangerous creature. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#reading #wallflowers #women #humor

Ha-ha! Ah-hahahaha! I am wizard; hear me roar! ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

It wasn't the tequila and oxy. You really are that fucking gorgeous. ↗

— Adrian Phoenix

#dante #humor #in-the-blood #humor

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#fat #found #get #likely #more

Honey, I liked the Harry Potter movies, too, but that doesn’t mean I ran out and got a Dark Mark tattooed onto my left forearm like you did. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf, I am the smaller one on its upper side,' said the dewdrop to the lake. ↗

— Rabindranath Tagore

#humour #inspirational #philosophy #stray-birds #humor

Beside me, Molly rolled her shoulders in a few jerky motions and pushed at her hair in fitful little gestures. She tugged at her well-tattered skirts, and grimaced at her boots. "Can you see if there’s any mud on them?" I paused to consider her for a second. Then I said, "You have two tattoos showing right now, and you probably used a fake ID to get them. Your piercings would set off any metal detector worth the name, and you’re featuring them in parts of your anatomy your parents wish you didn’t yet realize you had. You’re dressed like Frankenhooker, and your hair has been dyed colors I previously thought existed only in cotton candy.” I turned to face the door again. “I wouldn’t waste time worrying about a little mud on the boots. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #molly-carpenter #humor