#date

So that's how we end up helping Aviva pick out a male escort. Even Darcy is impressed with Eugene's organization; each profile in the boy binder has two pictures, a head shot and a full-body shot, and lists essential information: age, school, height, weight, extracurriculars, hobbies, and dance ability (which ranges from "occasional Dance Dance Revolution participation" to "so good he could back up the Biebs"). ↗

— Flynn Meaney

#dance #dancing #dating #escorts #justin-bieber

The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For as long as I live, I’ll never forget that date.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#birth #birthday #born #date #dating

Tanith frowned. Did people still go on DATES any more? She was sure they did. They probably called it something different though. She tried to think of the last date she'd been on. The last PROPER date. Did fighting side by side with Saracen Rue count as a date? They ended up snuggling under the moonlight, drenched in gore and pieces of brain - so it had PROBABLY been a date. If it wasn't, it was certainly a fun time had by all. Well, not ALL. But she and Saracen had sure had a blast. ↗

— Derek Landy

#dating #flings #gore #humor #humorous

Joshua se quedó asombrado. Pero no tan asombrado como yo por lo que acababa de decir. No hacía ni veinte horas que había plantado a Sven en el altar, ¿y ya quería salir con un tío sólo para verle reír? ↗

— David Safier

#jesus #love #smile #dating

Lady Jane Gray, who tho' inferior to her lovely Cousin the Queen of Scots, was yet an amiable young woman & famous for reading Greek while other people were hunting....Whether she really understood that language or whether such a study proceeded only from an excess of vanity for which I beleive she was always rather remarkable, is uncertain. ↗

— Jane Austen

#very-few-dates-in-this-history #dating

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are ↗

— Josh Stern

#date #figs #humor #moronic #rape

If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith ↗

— Josh Stern

#faith #humor #pretty #renounce #second-date

One stood behind me and ran her hands down my chest, her breasts rubbing against my back. The next stood in front of me holding onto my shirt and pulling me close to her as she ground into me seductively. The third danced slowly and seductively with the second girl, giving the girl-on-girl effect. I knew I was going to burst at any moment, so I had to close my eyes and take repeated deep breaths to calm down. "What’s the matter Aid-man, you feeling a little frustrated?" Dixon boasted from under his lap dancer. "Shut up Dixon." Though I didn’t really want him to shut up, his teasing was distracting me pretty well. "I’m going to kill you for this." "Oh no little man!" He laughed loudly. "Thank your future wife! That one is on her!" he howled. ↗

— Sadie Grubor

#sadie-grubor #save-the-date #dating

Dinner was a disaster. Brent introduced himself while staring at my bulge, and I was glad to be shown to our table so that we were seated with a table between us, forcing him to look me in the eye. Apparently, my eyes have moved down to my pecs, though, as that's where he decided to fix his attention throughout dinner. ↗

— Brett Kiellerop

#humor #shallowness #dating

It's delicious,’ he announces, chewing my sandwich. 'I would like to stay here forever and die with you in my arms.' 'I don't know. I think it's too cold for forever,' I say, smiling. ↗

— Joanna Mazurkiewicz

#date #funny #romantic #dating