#do

The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home. ↗

— Joseph Gordon-Levitt

#doctor #funny #pun #wife #funny

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

And soon we were just rolling around on the ground, cursing and screeching and ripping out handfuls of hair. Without super hearing, I wouldn't have heard Zeb whisper, "This is the coolest thing I have ever seen." "Maybe they'll get muddy," Dick said. "Please, Lord, let them get muddy. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #missy #molly-harper #mud

A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

A brick could used as a dagger, much like a blanket could be used to cool off after a heated argument. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Performance enhancements are most impressive when used by that sedentary athlete, the videogamer. After he turns to hitchhiking in disgrace, his giant thumbs can take him anywhere. ↗

— Bauvard

#doping #funny #hitchhiking #humor #steroids

Jesse is a good guy, although I don't understand the infatuation with the spandex he is always running around in. ↗

— Holly Hood

#funny

I’d never name my kid Mark, for fear he’d be a target—a mark.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I tried to contain myself... but I escaped! ↗

— Gary Paulsen

#humor #life #freedom

The society killed Kendra." ... Don't mention it to Verl. He might dive into a chasm. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#fablehaven #humor #kendra #love #mull