#drink

How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways. ↗

— William Shatner

#blood #drink #handsome #healthy #how

I peer through the spectral, polluted, nicotine-sodden windows of my sock at these old lollopers in their kiddie gear. Go home, I say. Go home, lie down, and eat lots of potatoes. I had three handjobs yesterday. None was easy. Sometimes you really have to buckle down to it, as you do with all forms of exercise. It's simply a question of willpower. Anyone who's got the balls to stand there and tell me that a handjob isn't exercise just doesn't know what he's talking about. I almost had a heart-attack during number three. I take all kinds of other exercise too. I walk up and down the stairs. I climb into cabs and restaurant booths. I hike to the Butcher's Arms and the London Apprentice. I cough a lot. I throw up pretty frequently, which really takes it out of you. I sneeze, and hit the tub and the can. I get in and out of bed, often several times a day. ↗

— Martin Amis

#exercise #masturbation #home

I was a palm-wine drinkard since I was a boy of ten years of age. I had no other work more than to drink palm-wine in my life. - - - But when my father noticed that I could not do any work more than to drink, he engaged an expert palm-wine-tapster for me; he had no other work more than to tap palm-wine every day. So my father gave me a palm-tree farm which was nine miles square and it contained 560,000 palm-trees, and this palm-wine tapster was tapping one hundred and fifty kegs of palm-wine every morning, but before 2 o’clock p.m., I would have drunk it all; after that he would go and tap another 75 kegs. ↗

— Amos Tutuola

#age

Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#beauty

I’m drinking your reply. Maybe isn’t too hot or cold, so I’m chugging it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drink #funny #hot #humor #maybe

I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drinking #erode #erosion #flesh #geology

Karl Marx: "Religion is the opiate of the masses." Carrie Fisher: "I did masses of opiates religiously. ↗

— Carrie Fisher

#addiction #alcoholism #celebrities #dysfunctional-families #fiction

I tried that too, you know. After ... my family was murdered, and I was waiting for justice, I tried to hide inside a bottle. But some men, Tony, [..] are not small enough to fit into a bottle. ↗

— Aleksandr Voinov

#family

I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #bizarre #drink #freeze #froze

There were, however, a few exceptions. One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough to pass out before any violent action proved necessary. He had been deposited, not very gently, on the lawn, where it was hoped that a hyena would give him a rude awakening. For all practical purposes he could, therefore, be regarded as absent. ↗

— Arthur C. Clarke

#drink #drunk #funny #humorous #funny