#ect

social media isn’t about “marketing” your church or message; it’s about “connecting” with people who want to make your story part of their story. ↗

— Phil Cooke

#evangelism #friendship #friendship

You could refer to me as god and the odd curtsey wouldn’t go a miss either ↗

— R.S. Burnett

#respect #tucker #friendship

It's a lot harder to get someone OUT of your life than it is to let them IN, so please…be selective. ↗

— Mandy Hale

#friends #friendship #honoring-yourself #letting-go #loving-yourself

If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #shark #funny

Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#coffee #funny #hold #humor #jockstrap

The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how I knew she really loved me. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attempted-murder #authorities #choke #choking #crime

You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated." "I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny #humour #violated #funny

How did you do it?" I brought the teacup to my mouth for another sip. "How did you guide Sophie's soul? I thought you were a reaper." "He's both," Nash said from behind me, and I turned just as he followed my father through the front door, pulling his long sleeves down one at a time. He and my dad had just loaded Aunt Val's white silk couch into the back of my uncle's truck, so he wouldn't have to deal with the bloodstains when he and Sohie got back from the hospital. "Tod is very talented." Tod brushed the curl back from his face and scowled. Harmony spoke up from the kitchen as the oven door squealed open. "Both my boys are talented." "Both?" I repeated, sure I'd heard her wrong. Nash sighed and slid onto the chair his mother had vacated, then gestured toward the reaper with one hand. "Kaylee, meet my brother, Tod. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#kaylee #tod #totally-unexpected #funny

The world is a state of mind, so choose your profession according to your state, because a lot of governments kill intellectuals ↗

— Benson Bruno

#government #humor #intellectuals #funny

I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one. ↗

— Criss Jami

#attraction #fantasy #funny #funny-but-true #gallant