#ed

Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

Upon walking into Eva's kitchen, something profound happened to Delphine. She experienced a fabulous expansion of being. Light-headed, she felt a swooping sensation and then a quiet, as though she'd settled like a bird. ↗

— Louise Erdrich

#home #kitchen #home

The Three D's of Creating True Happiness For All....... Declutter - Remove all unwanted items from your home, Donate - to your local charity, Deduct - Save money by claiming your donation on your tax return ↗

— Christina Scalise

#declutter #deduct #donate #happiness #organize

What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell. ↗

— Reduced Shakespeare Company

#paraphrased #romeo-and-juliet #shakespeare #humor

Walking around nude in front of humans was not a good way to keep a low profile with the community. It was an excellent way to make new friends, though. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#nakedness #rogue #vincent #humor

It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech. ↗

— Mark Twain

#preparedness #humor

I dinnae get people, like they all want to be watched, to be seen, like all the time. They put up their pictures online and let people they dinnae like look at them! And people they’ve never met as well, and they all pretend tae be shinier than they are – and some are even posting on like four sites; their bosses are watching them at work, the cameras watch them on the bus, and on the train, and in Boots, and even outside the chip shop. Then even at home – they’re going online to look and see who they can watch, and to check who’s watching them! ↗

— Jenni Fagan

#humorous #internet #online #social-media #watching

What doesn't kill us makes us funnier. ↗

— Marian Keyes

#paraphrased #stories #humor

You think I'd cheat on you?" I demanded with all the innocent outrage I could muster. "With another guy, no. With a cheeseburger . . . in a heartbeat. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #romance #humor

I AM NOT PAYING FOR SOME CRACKPOT OLD FOOL TO TEACH HIM MAGIC TRICKS!" yelled Uncle Vernon. Hagrid seized his pink umbrella and whirled it over his head "NEVER -" he thundered "- INSULT -ALBUS -DUMBLEDORE - IN - FRONT - OF - ME! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#hagrid #humor #uncle-vernon #humor