#ed

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#enough #figured #happiness #i #i always

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#asked #makes #man #mistakes #nineteen

I was supposed to be the antithesis of Frank. ↗

— Douglas Wilson

#frank #i #supposed

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#cord #cut #dog #dumb #everywhere

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#birth #daughter #easy #go #had

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#boy #boy george #dress #england #george

I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#comedy #could #garbo #had #her

I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage. ↗

— Joan Rivers

#comes #i #i see #maybe #need

I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show. ↗